Wednesday, August 31, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem



Loving you is the most fun I have had since:
I walked barefoot in the rain;
I staged a sit-down strike on the sidewalk in front
  of the English class;
I sat on my bridge in the twilight, chewing on blades
  of long green grass;
I wore sunglasses in the middle of the night;
I burned in effigy a half-dozen ex-friends;
I learned to blow giant soap bubbles;
I watched the moon set;
I found that 3:00 A.M. is the best time of the day
  for flamenco music and pretzels;
I wrote my name in giant letters on a hidden wall with chalk.

Come with me.
We'll go walking in the rain,
Staging sit-down strikes,
And sitting on our bridge at twilight.
We'll wear  our sunglasses in the middle of the night,
As we blow giant bubbles
And burn ex-friends in effigy.
Watching the moon set,
We will listen to flamenco music and eat pretzels,
Then write our names together on some hidden wall.


Susan J. Skinner


copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Sunday, August 28, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem






I am happy.
The usual twilight tears
May come and go,
I ignore them.
I can be happy.
Or so I prove to myself
Through smiles and
Defiant glances
]At the poor child
Who cannot hold her tears
As she mirrors my sad eyes.


Susan J. Skinner


copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Saturday, August 27, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/Haiku


Haiku


The sun smiles on me and all is right within my
own invertedness.


The white-hot fire of youth has yet to sear the hidden
wisdom of Age.


This life of mine is not my own,
But belongs to my posterity.


Let Posterity live for himself,
My sins are mine, and mine alone.


The living have so much fear of Death,
Are not the Dead afraid of life?


Communication does not come with propinquity.
Nor hope with love.


The facade of ugliness may cover an oddly beautiful
heart.


Weeds desire to be flowers; ugliness has no loyalty
to self.


Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Friday, August 26, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/RETREAT



                            RETREAT


I am hidden from the humans
But the World's aware of me.
The wind teases me and tousles my hair
The sun and the stones on which I sit
Caress me with their warmth
All things glitter and beckon to me.
The birds toss out a promising note
   Of songs-to-be!
The World is good, to me.
And I, to it, am important or un-
For it makes no difference.
This is reality.



Susan J. Skinner
June 1963

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Thursday, August 25, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem



I sit on the brink of the Pastel World of Evening
I want to ask but I feel I have no right
They have allowed me this one pleasure-
To watch the heavens darken into night

I'd like to ask for you to be here with me
To see transition, soft and mild and cool
I would love to see this earthly scene made heaven
But to want so much would make me seem a fool



Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/ all rights reserved

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem




I suppose that
'In a hundred years,
No one will know the difference.'
At least,
That's what my mother says.
No one will know?
No one re-experience this,
This quiet, desperation.
Or tearful journey through circumstance?
I don't know.
Oh, she is right, I'm sure.
But there has to be some purpose
In tears and would-be adoration,
Else I may, can, should
Cease breathing precious air.

Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/ all rights reserved

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/Runnin' Through the House



"Your mother," she said laughing, fixing me with a questioning look that seemed to demand I be able to explain my mother's behavior, "didn't even stop giving her Home Demonstration Club program."

We stood outside our church in the mid 1980s. The cool,  pleasant, spring air made people want to talk a while after services.  Groups of ladies in skirts and blouses or dresses, stood in small clumps on the green grass of the lawn.  Fran, standing in a group of ladies to our left,  bent slightly at the waist, reached toward her knee and tugged at her pantyhose.

Men in sportcoats with open collars, some with buttoned collars and striped ties, stood laughing.  A few of them held cigarettes, taking surreptitious puffs every now and then, careful to blow the smoke away from the circle of churchgoers.

Children ran up and down the covered walkways of the redbrick church, some of the girls in their skirts and blouses like their mothers.  Others wore pants, but usually with a matched shirt.  The boys were in their blue jeans and knit shirts.  They ran down the long portico, turned east onto the concrete sidewalk, jumped off the three short steps that led toward more sidewalk, then continued running, making a sharp right back toward the church, and the ten or so groups of adults standing outside the big white double doors of the sanctuary.  A string of ten-my two among them-passed by us in a blur of motion.  One of the men finally yelled, "Hey, y'all slow down!  You're going to hurt somebody!"

Alice was a longtime acquaintance of my mother, and made me aware of the friendship;  I had never known Alice when I was small and we lived in Purdon.  I had met her two years ago, when we began attending Northside Baptist.  I was 25, she was probably 45 at the time of the conversation.

"Your brothers and sister, the three of them,  Elton, Neila, and Stephen-I guess they were about 7, 6, and 2-had gotten into her sewing notions and each of them had three spools of thread.  They had wrapped about a foot of thread from each spool onto their hands, and then they just started out running, letting the spools bounce and hit the linoleum floor behind them, unraveling them as they ran." 

She looked down and shook her head as though seeing the picture anew and expressing her disbelief.

"They started out in your parents' bedroom where the sewing machine was, and then they ran through Neila's room, into the living room where we were all standing around card tables, listening to your mother explain how to use the small metal tool to make a pattern on the aluminum trays we were making, then on into the dining room, through the kitchen, onto the backporch, then back to your parents' bedroom where they started the second round.

"Your mother paid them no attention." I shifted my weight to my left foot.  This might take a while.
"Acted like they weren't even there, doing anything. They weren't screaming, just running with those spools bouncing wildly behind them, wrapping the thread around everthing in their path. Finally, so much thread wrapped itself around the doorknob leading from the living room to the dining room that when they ran in there, it slammed the door shut. Everbody jumped. Opal let out a little scream, but your mother-- she didn't even flinch. I guess the kids knew the door slamming was gonna get her attention, so they stopped running and it got real quiet then." 

Your mama said, "So that's the proper way to make a patterned aluminum tray.   The meeting next week is at Eara's house, and we're going to be learning how to freeze fresh garden produce for use all year long."

I was searching Alice's face for any sign of judgment of my mother because I simply could not tolerate that. Changing the subject seemed out of the question as Alice got into the story. Unsure of what the summation would be, I waited, listening, thinking of my mother, how wonderful it was to grow up with her, how she knew when to call a halt and when to let things go.   

How she was like a grown kid--fun but responsible.  She remembered what it was like to be a kid, not like most grownups and parents who pretended they'd never done anything bad or had a bad thought.  Most of them acted like kids were just some little aliens who showed up on their doorstep and operated by some foreign code they couldn't understand.  Not my mother. 

I knew her boundaries were wide as the Missouri and her tolerance as deep as the oil wells around Corsicana, but I didn't want anyone talking bad about her or inferring she didn't control her kids. I knew she wouldn't have let them run in anyone else's house, just her own.  And she'd say, they weren't hurting anything, and they were just having fun, so why did she need to stop them?

"Let's go into the dining room now for refreshments. I made buttermilk poundcake and lemon meringue pie. Hope ya'll like it!"  Alice continued with the story, mimicking my mother's voice, her dreamy gaze indicating her own thoughts had transported her back to that day.

"Well, we all went into the dining room after your mother got some scissors and cut the thread off the doorknob so we could open the door, and there under the table were your brothers and your sister, scrunched up like we couldn't see 'em."  She giggled at the memory.

"Your mother got hold of them firmly, each one by the arm, and pulled them from under the table."

"'Go on now,' she said, and they did, running out the back door, one, two, three. She never made any excuses for them, just laughed and said 'the natives are restless'and started cutting cake and pie, pouring iced tea for everyone." 

"Some of us wanted to say something, but we didn't say one thing as we left later, and we didn't gossip about it to each other. All of us loved your mother. And I guess we just wouldn't criticize her like we would anyone else. Truth is, most of us wished we had her calm, 'cause my kids got on my nerves. She acted like it was the most natural thing in the world, them running through the house trailing that thread."

She looked at me again, searching my face as though I shared the same memory.  "I wasn't born then," I said, almost as an apology.

"Well, I've got to go.  Robert's waiting for me," she said moving away toward the Oldsmobile 88 where her husband waited.  "I'll never forget that-- never," she said more to herself than me as she walked away, slowly shaking her head of tightly permed silver hair.

I walked briskly toward the car, where my husband waited, glad that Alice had not been there the day that Elton had rappelled from the roof on a rough rope anchored to the television antenna, crashing into the wall of the living room, full of yet another group of women attending one of mother's ladies' meetings. 

And I know she wasn't there the night my brother Stephen, a teenager by then, walked through the house with a friend and two huge owls they had caught, or the day he parachuted off the house, or set the pasture with the butane tank on it on fire.  All in all, the thread event seemed tame compared to some of the events that happened at our home later.  

"Did your mother ever let you...?" I started, then stopped seeing the look on my husband's face. 

"No!" he said, then laughed, having previously heard about my mother's tolerance for childish activities.  "I'm sure she didn't."







1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem




In a reflection of a glass
Those approaching are
Seen quite clearly
Every detail, color,outline
   clear, distinct, and perfect
I, myself, I cannot see.
Only an outline, dim and black.
No detail there, no color.
Indeed, I am not sure that that is I.


Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Sunday, August 21, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/Reflection #3

Reflection #3

Windows are for looking through
And breaking
And glittering in the sun.
Windows are not always glass.
Sometimes they are brown eyes,
Or words on a paper,
Chimes from a tower,
And a child's yell of happiness.

Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Saturday, August 20, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/Prelude




                                       Prelude


He smiles at me,
And if he knows my name,
I cannot tell.
But no matter.
It would not be the same
If he knew me well.
I look at him with covered eyes,
For he would be blinded
If I opened theses burning stars
That I possess when he is near,
I may never speak to him again,
But I can hope,
For
He smiles at me.

Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Friday, August 19, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem

Susan finished school a year early in order to "hurry up."  This poem reflects the struggle she had to make that decision, but I think it reflects the feeling most of us have about highschool.  I know these poems don't need my commentary, but sometimes I just can't help myself. 



The halls are empty now
Except for me.
It is seven-thirty and twilight
Gently covers the dusty beams
With warm darkness.
Except for me,
There is no one here,
I think.
The echoeing footsteps must be mine.
The bannister returns my grasp,
Offering solace.
I cry.
A school is such a lonely place at night,
So full of dreams, remembrance,
So loud the solitude!
It insistently grasps my shoulder,
Begs me to turn around.
I will not.
I cannot leave my spirit with this melancholy assembly.
I cannot.
Tell myself-All do;
No one leaves the school completely.
We leave them here, our bittersweet alter-egos.
I step out the door.
And I do not.
I remain there forever.


Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem



Seldom saying
Things that mean
What she believes
Leave her there
She doesn't know
Just what she wants
She will tell them nothing
They should see
But will not
Things in front of them
Are more difficult to see
Than those on extended planes
So what
She lives, dies
No marks are indelible
They will forget
She will not.


Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/ all rights reserved

Sunday, August 14, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/untitled poem



You can not read my mind
Thank the gods that is so.
Yet oftentimes I think love would be simpler
If my mind, picturing each tableau,

Were open like a book or set
Upon a stage with words of purest verse,
Who can say, if such love
Might be best--or worse?

For you would know each thought,
Each discrepancy, and every flaw
In my unreasoning, guileless mind
And cease to hold our love in awe.

Love, a perfect love, is wrought
When two can love, yet still
Be of two minds, two souls, two tongues
And yet be of one will.

Susan J. Skinner
June 9, 1962

copyright 2011/ all rights reserved

Saturday, August 13, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/UNTITLED POEM




Myriad lyrics trip through my mind
On the light little feet of their tunes
And the voices I hear as I sit here tonight
Come from far away planets and moons

I know that life here on earth will go on
As long as there's hope still around
But my life alone may cease to exist
For reasons that seem so profound.


Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

Thursday, August 11, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/UNTITLED POEM




"Who are you?"
Don't ask me that.
I will not know for years and years.
I am a nymph who's colored blue,
A witch without a pointed hat.
A baby who can smile through tears.

"Where are you going?"
Should I know?
I shall go in many ways.
Stitches in ten-league boots I'm sewing.
I travel where the winds blow.
Perhaps a trip through Alice's maze.

"Are you telling the truth?"
Of course not!  I know I'm
A poached egg with sugar on me.

Susan J. Skinner

copyright 2011/all rights reserved

*Note: I believe the last line was based on an old joke from the 1950s, but I am unable to find the reference online. 

Monday, August 8, 2011

1950s SMALL TOWN LIFE/UNTITLED POEM


To be myself
I sacrifice
Something
of the pleasure
That conformity carries--
Identification.
I do not know
what I am, though
I know what I am not
And that is better,
For I cannot see myself
For myself stands in my way.
The mirror to show me myself
Is hidden, waiting
Somewhere.
In this I place my hope.

Susan J. Skinner
June 12, 1963

copyright 2011/all rights reserved